10 Effective Ways to Meet a Creep at the Bar
The bar is an interesting place. There’s hot guys, normal guys, funny guys, friendly guys, pervy guys, inebriated guys, loud guys, awkward guys…you get it. Wouldn’t it be great if one of the first four guys in that list approached you? Well, they don’t. It’s always the last four and their friends with other unique personality traits. So perfect. Here’s how to attract those men:
10. Approach the bar, alone— When ordering drinks, it’s best to bring a friend. You may not get to meet chubby baseball fan with a hockey jersey on while at the bar, but you can bet when you turn around with your drink to go back to your spot, he’ll be there. “You like baseball?” he’ll ask you. “Yes, but you look like you’re batting .000, so I have to go.”
9. Go dancing, with your friends— You’d think that you would be safe in your posse of friends but that’s a lie. Mr. Wiggles will shake & shimmy his way into the mix and the next thing you know you’re making a mortified face at your friend who has just watched this guy come up and try to grind you. She’s giggling and all you can think is, “Yeah, dude. I will never be that drunk. Please get off.”
8. Have a conversation with your friend, by the wall— So you and your friend are catching up off to the side when some Don Juan comes up and starts asking you and your friend the cliche “getting to know you” questions. “Do you girls go to the U? What year are you?” Be careful of how long you talk to this one. He may come across normal, or even nervous but justifiably normal. He’s not. I promise you, he’s not normal.
7. Wear glasses— “Do you know you look like a hot teacher?” Yes, your buddy just told me the same thing while you were in the John. Coordinate guys, come on! Oh! And be original. Creep.
6. Give any indication that you are in fact a girl—Wear a bra. Put your hair up. Show up in a dress. Use the ladies’ room. Any of these acts will get you some kind of attention. Because in acts of desperation these lover boys aren’t looking for specifics…except for maybe a vagina.
5. Wear anything tighter than a sweatshirt— Next time I go out, I’m wearing a snowsuit. Seriously. This one ties in with number six. If he thinks you’re a girl, he’s gonna try to talk to you.
4. Look approachable or friendly, at all— It’s a psychological thing. If they think you seem approachable, they’re going to give it a try. The alcohol has given them just enough courage and they don’t want to get dissed. It’s okay to appear friendly, truly, but be prepared to whip out a fake boyfriend from Wyoming or something if need be. They will mistake your friendliness for interest. Every time.
3. Drink a beer— This is the line you will receive, “A girl who drinks beer. Are you real or am I dreaming?” Well sir, you’re dreaming if you think I’m going to be responsive to that comment. Now fuck off and let me drink my beer!
2. Wear heels— If you’re going to wear heels make sure you’re prepared to run in them. Many men have misconceived what wearing heels means for many girls: We’re out to have fun with our friends. Yes, there’s a group of them who wear their heels for a specific recreation that comes later, but most don’t. So quit assuming we all want your pasty-ass bod.
1. Show up at the bar—It seems so obvious! And it is! Show up and you will become the recipient of somebody’s attentions/affections. Just know your limit. If they start looking good. Stop drinking. If they looked good to start with, it’s too good to be true!
10 Reasons Why I Love Springtime
It has been one strange winter as far as weather goes and I am hoping that spring will arrive and be delightful…but I’m not going to hold my breath. It is Minnesota after all, and that’s why this winter was the way it was. But anyways, since apparently there are people actually reading my posts, I hope you enjoy and I don’t care if you agree! Here we go!
10. It is the season of hope— Yeah, Christmas is supposed to be the season of hope but I think Christmas is more of the season to share & give love and stuff to others and put everyone else before yourself. Spring! Now that’s hopeful, especially in Minnesota! The snow and ice are melting, the sun is coming out and staying out longer. People are finally getting some vitamin D and everybody is just in a better mood. That Mary Tyler Moore feeling starts coming back… and you know, You’re gonna make it after all!
9. March 13— I’m very “Sixteen Candles” about my birthday. I don’t like telling people, b/c that seems like I’m fishing for attention. But when people remember and tell me “Happy Birthday,” it’s really nice. And my wonderful family gives me a couple presents and combine that with the better weather and I’m on top of the world!
8. No more boots— Okay, for a while the rain boots will be out in force, but my feet like to be free and cute. Oh, and I hate having to wear socks. I don’t know why, but they annoy me. My shoes stare at me all of winter with a look of desperation. I know you’re there! I just don’t want to ruin you! It’s for the best! But with spring, I can finally wear what I want on my feet!
7. Skirts & Dresses— Skirts & dresses make me happy. They’re kind of my thing. In the winter I’m so freaking cold all the time that I look at them and a giant “Hell No!” comes to mind. And if I “forget” to shower, it’s easier to look nicer when you’re wearing a dress. Let’s be honest. I accumulate a few over the winter b/c they’re always cheap on sale, so I get really excited to pull those bad boys out!
6. Easter candy!— Pastel candies everywhere! I have no clue why but Easter candy makes me happy. Chocolate bunnies and jelly beans. Good stuff, folks. It’s all cutesy and endearing, perfect for the good mood that the weather has aroused in me!
5. Pastels & Brighter colors— So winter equals darker colors, more earth tones and black. That’s fine, but it doesn’t help the mood. Wear a bright color in winter and it’s a little “whoa, scene kid.” They’re also just that much better when the sun is shining down on them!
4. BASEBALL SEASON!!!— For being such a long sports season, it sure feels like the off season is the longest of them all. It’s America’s past time. And thank goodness I live in Twins Territory because there are no better baseball announcers than Dick and Bert. Not debatable.
3. You can start leaving your coat at home— Coats are so bulky. Taking it to class, the bar, work, etc. It’s just…gah! And having your sweater hang below your jacket is so attractive so it’s nice to leave the coat at home. One less thing to lose!
2. The foliage comes back to life!— Trees without leaves are sad and creepy. Brown grass is ugly. Spring puts the life back into nature. Laying on the grass to do homework is so wonderful. And by doing homework I mean taking an accidental nap.
1. It means summer is that much closer!— The excitement of thinking about boat rides and swim suits and bonfires and the cabin is almost too much to bear! Spring is like the 12 days of Christmas or something…just getting you jacked for the big event!
So that’s that. Dear Minnesota, please don’t keep spring hiding until late April. March is in 5 days. I expect good things!
Top 10 Catch Phrases of My Mother
I said it was coming so…here it is! I love you mom, but you are the queen of the catch phrase! Here we go!
10. Cinderella!— Most of the time when I talk to my mom she calls me this. I kind of understand why she calls me this: I work hard. But what I don’t understand is where my evil step family is and that awful cat…oh, and the totally hot rich guy?! There’s a few flaws in this nickname.
9. Uh, Ah, Ooh, and various other reactionary gasps— She once gasped at a cable theft commercial. She makes Mmm noises when she eats. She makes an uncomfortable noise when we squeeze her too hard. I could go on. It’s more endearing than anything, but sometimes it’s just really entertaining.
8. You know So-and-so’s husband’s cousin’s 2 year-old daughter’s daycare lady?—No mom, we don’t. But you’re going to tell us a story about her so please, proceed.
7. Is the news on?— She cannot just come out and say, “Put the news on. Now.” Instead, in true mid-west style, she asks the suggestive question. She will also wake up from the movie we have all been watching at 10pm, just like clockwork to ask this question.
6. Potty mouth!— My mother does not like swearing. No sir. And I can say I think I have only ever heard her swear a handful of times. She will reprimand for using profanities…and it’s always a little funny. Over Christmas break, my brother was playing some rap music in the car and my mom gasps and says, “Potty mouth!” Just another quality outing with my mom and brother.
5. Who are you texting over there?— Mom. It’s not my future husband. It’s not a boyfriend. And if it were, I would still tell you it’s Meghan. Love you!
4.You’ll never guess what happened— Mom proceeds to tell a really depressing story in a relatively upbeat tone.
3. What goes around comes around— Mom’s been saying this since I was little. I didn’t understand for a while, but now it makes sense: Karma. It didn’t make me feel a whole lot better as a middle-schooler when my feelings were being hurt, but now I get it. And it all makes sense.
2. (insert dog name here) come!— The dogs love mom. Mom loves the dogs, but one thing the dogs also love is not listening. This mainly applies to Pepper who is older than dirt and still doesn’t know her name. Mom, I don’t think she’s running from you, I think she’s out of her doggy mind. But continue to chase her if you wish.
1. I saw on Facebook…- She will then explain what she saw, but what I suspect she is really doing is looking for an explanation or an answer. Crafty mom, crafty.
Now I’ll get mushy. The bottom line is she’s the best. I also could have continued with the catchphrases. She’s got a lot.
Top 10 Phrases in My Dad’s Rhetoric.
So my mom heckled me the other day that maybe it’s time for another blog post. Well mom, you win. I was thinking, “What should I do?” Then it hit me. My dad has some phrases that he uses a lot. They’re quality and worth sharing with the world. This is for you mom (and dad).
10. “But what really chaps my ass”— I have heard him say this enough to know that it is in his book of idioms. Oh, and I love it. Nobody likes a chapped ass, especially my old man so when he says this, you know he’s annoyed.
9. “Killer”— This word is his adjective when there are no other words to describe the incredible awesomeness that is whatever he is trying to describe. For example, “How was your dinner dad?” “Oh man, it was so killer. Just killer. I haven’t had a prepared meal that killer in so long. Killer.”
8. “Plant corn, get corn”—There’s no real consensus as to who coined this phrase. Dad says that he did and for the purpose of this blog post, that works well. He used to say this about idiots who raise idiots. Then my brother started getting older and he used it against my dad. “Ralph! What are you doing, meathead!” “Plant corn, get corn, dad.” Couldn’t be more true.
7. “You didn’t like it, huh?”—My dad loves to cook. He also loves it when we eat what he’s cooked. So far so good, right? Well, dad gauges how much we liked it by how much of it we consumed so if you didn’t eat enough or he has suspicions, he whips out the “You didn’t like it, huh?” We always like it, but sometimes the giant portions are…well, a lot. My theory is it’s also his way of fishing for compliments, although when I’ve pointed this out to him, he argues that I am wrong.
6. “Stupid Ashley!”—Dad plays Resident Evil 4, or as he calls it “RE4.” There’s a character that follows his character and she doesn’t do anything but get dad killed. Upon dying we always hear him yell, “Stupid Ashley!” Losing must be frustrating, but the catch phrase is always kind of funny.
5. “Who are you texting?”—Well, dad (and mom). I can tell you it’s not a multi-millionaire that I may potentially marry one day. It’s always unexciting and most of the time unimportant, a friend from high school or a roommate. Sorry to disappoint. Who are you texting Mom and Dad? Oh yes, you don’t have texting…yet.
4. “He/She’s a huge smoker. Constantly hitting the heaters.”—This is in reference to pretty much every celebrity ever. All celebs according to dad are short assholes who smoke like chimney. Most death theories also coincide with this theory. “Oh no! So and so died of cancer.”-Mom “It may have been cancer, but it was from smoking like a chimney!”-Dad.
3. “Never be a lawyer.”— I promise I won’t dad. Promise.
2. “I didn’t think that food was very good.”—Along with my dad’s cooking skills come his cooking assessments. He is a picky man and so we hear this phrase a lot. Sometimes he’s right. Sometimes he’s harsh, but he’s normally never wrong about crappy food.
1. “I’m proud of you sister.”—I am one lucky girl because I hear this a lot…and he means it. Dad, even with your comments and your stash of plaid shirts, I am proud of you too. I learned how to be a goofball from the best. You give the best advice and even when you embarrass me (which is obviously never!) I am still proud to be your favorite (only) daughter.
Mom…you’re next. We may have to go to 20 with you.
10 Things That Were Fun Until Adulthood…
I’m feeling cynical. What’s new? And since writing about exactly how I’m feeling isn’t how I roll, I decided it was time for another top 10. It’s been like a week, right?
10. Snow— When you’re little it’s fun because you have snow pants and a sled. Well, I’m an adult with a commute to work and class. It sucks. Hmm…what shoes will I wear today? Oh, yes that’s right. There’s snow. How about my ugly boots so they can get salt stained? Perfect. I hope I don’t eat pavement on my way to class like that girl in tights did…teach her to dress that way in January.
9. Making a mess— Kid messes were way better than adult messes. Legos and Barbies verses dirty clothes piles and that trash you just can’t seem to remember to bring out of the bathroom. I want my Barbies back. At least a Barbie mess could be confused for showing off. My clothes pile means one thing: I currently don’t give a shit.
8. Pulling all nighters— First off, I don’t think I could make it all night anymore and if I could I would be passed out for the two days following. I remember when all nighters were the thing to do at a slumber party! It was cool. You and your friends had to watch “Bring It On” at least 3 times. Now, they only happen when homework has been put off too long and you don’t watch a fun movie. You mute the TV on TruTV or something so you can have something but not be too distracted.
7. Back to school shopping— New pens! New folders! New notebooks! It was exciting, was Dad going to let you get the Lisa Frank folder? No. Ten for a dollar was a better deal than one for two dollars. But you didn’t care, it was school time! Come to college and add New textbooks that you can’t find used so you pay whole price! This once exciting activity is now a money drain. Too bad… I still like the clothes shopping part…when I have money!
6. Over-eating— I’m still guilty of this activity but when I was little I knew those calories would dissolve eventually. Now, I wait around with worry after my over-eating session that I may wake up as a whale. I know this won’t happen. But when I was little at least I wasn’t even thinking that was an option! The only whale I was thinking about was Free Willy. He was awesome.
5. Tubing— I loved tubing behind the boat way too much. It was scary, it was exciting. We thought we were so cool. Sometimes we would try to stand up. Just dumb. Now, if I go tubing, a trip to the chiropractor is not far behind. How did we do it? Getting snapped around like a I don’t even know what…like Gumby or something. If I went tubing tomorrow, I would need a neck brace afterwards.
4. Having crushes— Ugh. I miss the delusional nature of a child to believe that it can work out no matter how different they are. Life makes us jaded…or at least me anyways. I truly believed I was going to marry a MLB player. Ha. Silly girl. There’s no way I could convince myself of that now. That’s silly. Can I be silly again?
3. Thinking about the future and what you were going to do— We never do exactly what we thought we would and sometimes that’s a little disappointing. But honestly, I’m glad things didn’t go the way little me thought they would. She was ridiculous…although that MLB beau might be a nice touch right now…lol. Looking at the future now is so much more mundane. What do I see? A bad job market, loans coming out of my ears, and bills, bills, bills.
2. Eating tons and tons of sugar— It was the child alcohol. We’re having a party, who brought the pixie stix?! Everybody would placebo effect themselves into thinking they had gone crazy and would get all hyper. That much sugar now? Calories, diabetes, gut ache? Yeah, let’s be honest, I haven’t cut back much.
1. Riding your bike all day and just leaving it in the yard— We went everywhere with our bikes. Bored? ride up and down the street. Go to the neighbors. Make a little bike gang. Bikes are now for getting from point A to point B. That’s fun. And if I were to just leave it in the yard, tomorrow morning there would be no sign of it. I would love to enjoy my bike again, but so far it’s only to get me to class because I’m late.
Was this negative? No. It is what it is. Read the sarcasm. Have a laugh. Or don’t. If these things are still fun for you, then I envy your strong back and patience for snow.
10 Things I Can Never Seem to Remember…
Now I’m not talking about my phone number or my pin number (although I do often forget that pesky four digit number, pathetic, I know). I’m talking about those situations where they never seem to pan out quite right and yet I am a repeat offender.
10. Just because it’s on sale does not mean it’s cuter or that you’re going to wear it more. As a bargain shopper, I am pretty good about finding what I need on sale, but even I get suckered into those things that seem like such a good deal that you’re sure you’ll make use of it. Well, that delightful floral jacket that looked a lot cuter because it was buy one get one free and on sale, it’s not getting any action…but maybe one day…ha.
9. Twenty minutes is just not enough time to get ready and eat in the morning before the bus. I am the master of sleeping in. I cannot get myself out of bed. It’s bad. In fact, I am laying in bed writing this. For some reason I always have a brain lapse and can’t seem to remember that I need more time to look presentable and eat! So I got to class like a hobo: dressed poorly and hungry.
8. Rum and Coke at the bar is gross. I have no clue why but I get rum and Coke a lot and I am never satisfied. I tried the rum and Diet option because I love Diet Coke but that was awful too. Alcohol makes you stupid. I think that’s why I keep trying these.
7. You have enough gray and turquoise in your wardrobe. If you’re like me, you have that one genre of color that you cannot deny, or in my case, two colors: turquoise and gray. Whenever I go shopping, I gravitate towards those two colors. Then when it comes time to actually get dressed. I can’t match myself because it’s all the same colors! Sometimes I think it’s better when other people find me clothing, at least that way there’s a speck of hope that it might be a different color.
6. As far as communicating with dudes you’re attracted to, if you want to say “hi,” don’t. Now, I’ll explain. You haven’t heard from a certain someone in a while, but you really want to stay in touch for whatever reason and you’re confident that they won’t make the first move, so you say hi first. Don’t. What you really want is to hear from them first, so by saying hi first, you’re not really getting what you want. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t make an ass out of yourself to someone who’s not thinking about you when you’re not around. If they have a change of heart, they’ll come around…
5. Text books are always more than you think they’ll be. I have this thing around new semester time where I forget to budget enough money for textbooks. They’re never affordable and somehow, I always tell myself that I’m gonna get a bargain. Ha. Right.
4. Showering before bed does not make for a good hair day in the morning. Because I love to sleep, I also think that by showering before bed I can save time in the morning. In reality, I wake up looking a fright and then I’m low on time and it just can’t be fixed without another shower. Perfect.
3. Go with your gut, especially when it comes to ordering food. I always struggle to pick what I want at restaurants and I never seem to order what I felt like eating. (First world problem, right?) I find that ordering what first pops out at me is the best way to go. Too bad I can never remember to do that.
2. Listen to my own advice! I can give out some decent advice to friends but when it comes to listening to my own advice, I’m on a different page. Who better to make an ass out of me than myself, right?
1. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt. I think this speaks for itself.
Learn from me. I promise you I’m on to something here.
10 Best New Year’s Resolutions You Should Make
So Happy New Year everybody. If you were like me, you were more than ready for a different year to commence. I was wondering why we do this whole New Year’s hoopla and I think I figured it out. We, as humans, love getting new beginnings and fresh starts. In reality nothing is really different, but we think and feel it is because it’s a “new year.” We restore our hope for whatever and tell ourselves that this is going to be the year. Then we set our “New Year’s Resolution” so we can inevitably break it two weeks to two months later. Go team.
So I’m making a top 10 resolution list that I think seems acceptable. They’re like one time only things so if you have commitment issues, they should be easy. You can do it once and drop it.
10. Quit thinking about how you’re going to start to do this or that. Either do it or don’t. You spent an hour debating going to the gym. Congrats, you could have finished your workout in that time. Enjoy those stale Cheetos on your coffee table.
9. Watch your favorite crappy TV show and own up to it. You watched “Teen Mom 2” last year. So this year, don’t be embarrassed about it. Honestly, almost everyone with MTV is watching it. If they’re not? Who cares!
8. Eat what you want (within reason, I mean McDon’s 3 times a day is too much). You’ve had a great week and actually went to the gym. Go have a treat. Life is too short to be starving yourself. Everything in moderation. So go have a piece of cheese, just don’t eat the whole brick. Duh.
7. Buy something crazy that you’ve been wanting. So those shoes don’t look like you’re typical style? I bet if you buy them they’ll become the staple of your wardrobe. Take the chance if you really like it. Maybe don’t go out and buy something overly expensive or hazardous, but who knows? Those urban cross country skis could be just what you’ve been missing in your life.
6. Hit on someone hot. Rejection from a stranger only hurts for a few moments. But, there’s a chance you could make a new friend or get a hot date! Who knows? Nobody does, so put yourself out there! And by put yourself out there, I mean your personality, not your tits or ass…that’s trashy.
5. Say “hi” to an old friend. Why not? They were special to you at one point so why not check in on them and say “hi, how’ve you been ol’ chap?” Don’t say hi to an old friend with benefits or something because you want on that again. That’s sleezy and not what I’m getting at. Be genuine and you may find catching up with that friend was just what you needed.
4. Ask the cashier at the store how their day is going. They ask total assholes all day how their day is going. Retail isn’t super fun so put in the extra piece of dialogue and be nice. Maybe they have a coupon hiding in their drawer for your pickles and would like to share it with you? Maybe they don’t. Being nice though will probably make them hate their day a little less. It always did for me when I worked as a cashier.
3. Bring your own bag or cup with you to Target or Starbucks. Let’s get sustainable people. For real. There’s discounts involved, so what are you waiting for?! And what do you need all of those plastic bags for? Are you going to suffocate a daycare? Didn’t think so. And those plastic cups? Not insulated. Your cup from home? Way better.
2. Don’t make your bed. If you already don’t make your bed, then perfect. If you do…stop wasting your time! It’s just going to get messy like 14 hours from now. Do you live in a museum that you need your bed looking pristine for people to view it? No! Who ends up in your bedroom? People and pets who don’t give a shit. Lay in the bed for 10 extra minutes instead of making it.
1. Go to a craptastic movie in the theater, just so you can make fun of it. It is really pretty fun. Take a friend though, otherwise it’s an annoying form of self-torture. It’s something you probably wouldn’t have done last year, so give it a try. You only have to go once if you hate it so it’s perfect!
That’s my rant. If you want to lose weight or become a better eater or whatever middle-aged people say they’ll do then that’s okay. Good luck.
Top 10 Fave Things About the Holidays!
It’s Christmas Eve. I hope that anyone reading this is having a wonderful holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate. Christmastime always reminds me of the things that I love the most. So here’s my top 10 favorite things about Christmastime…ever.
10. Gingerbread lattes— I’m a broken record with that one. It’s like I’m drinking what I want the holidays to feel like…how’s that for making sense?
9. People Giving— Although I don’t think that Christmas should be the only time to be good stewards, it is wonderful to see the best come out in people. If you’re like me, you have a little too much fun picking out a gift for “boy, 7, size S.” It’s just a win-win situation. I get to shop, even more than before, and that little boy gets a gift for Christmas.
8. Christmas Treats— I have THE biggest sweet tooth ever so this is my holiday. For real. Reese’s Trees. Oh hell yeah! Cookies are everywhere and I’m eating them. The best part is, I rationalize all my eating so it’s pretty guilt free (for a few days at least).
7. Reminiscing about past Christmases— In the our family, there are many hilarious memories. We buy prank gifts, my dad is crazy when it comes to cooking (he let me help this year, highlight of my holiday! For sure). My mom and her picture taking and the ridiculous gifts we used to go crazy for. It’s just fun.
6. Food— The meals are always so good. The food is heavy and fattening and just what I love. The cheesy potatoes I had tonight may kill me in my sleep, but oh man, were they worth it! The downfall of this favorite is, of course, in a week I’m going to look nice and chubby for the New Year. I’ll just tell myself it can only go up from there!
5. Giving Gifts— I love to give people presents. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but little thoughtful gifts are so fun to give. The look on the person’s face is my favorite part. It’s the thought that counts. If there’s a story to tell with the gift—even better!
4. The Movies— I can’t get enough of Christmas movies. I only watch them around the holidays so I kind of go a little crazy. National Lampoon, A Christmas Story, Love Actually, Rudolph, The Grinch… I could go on.
3. The Music— It’s so cheesy and so fun! Mariah Carrey, damn you. JBiebs has a Christmas hit now and the Chipmunks are always funny. I find myself in July justifying the fake holiday of “Christmas in July” just so I can get that little fix.
2. The Decorations— Who knew a tree with some lights on a string could be so mesmerizing? Ornaments (or as I used to say “ordamints”) are probably my favorite part. I love those people who put up Christmas paintings and what not for the holidays. Way to go all out!
1. The Company— Friends and family for some reason are even more fun around the holidays. Christmas with my crazy-ass family is really all I need. Church was great tonight and that’s partly because of my family and the people we saw at church. You will find my family in the back giggling about something or acting awkward during carols.
This holiday so far has been great and it’s not done yet! Who knows what else will happen, but I can tell you this: there’s no place like home for the holidays.
Girl’s Guide to… Installment 2: Top 10 Babes of 2011.
Yeah, People magazine makes their Sexiest men alive magazine but most of the time I’m not so sure… they put so many people on their list that everybody finds their way into that issue! Well, I’m sitting around watching Glee and boom. I wanted to make my own list. I don’t have these in a particular order because I’m no good at prioritizing.
10. Jason Segel— Bringin’ it back with the Muppet Movie. What’s not to adore about him? He’s on a riotous TV show. He writes movies. He tries to sing and he’s funny. Oh! And he likes the Muppets. He’s a big lovable teddy bear and that makes him a winner.
9. Ryan Gossling— If you haven’t seen “Crazy Stupid Love” yet…what is wrong with you?! First he’s the deceptively charming hook-up guy, then he’s the secretly sensitive hook-up and finally comes full circle as the boyfriend. AND! He takes his shirt off and it’s almost alarming that somebody could have those abs. My laundry has found a new washboard to clean itself on.
8. Cory Monteith— Adorably aloof on Glee, he’s hard to deny. He has two left feet which is equally adorable as a guy who can dance, at least in his case. Lucky boy. I can only hope he’s as dorky in real life as he is on TV…actually, he’s probably hella smooth…that could work too!
7. Ryan Reynolds— Back on the market this year and still smokin’ hot! If you’re not sold on Ryan Reynolds then watch “Just Friends.” He’s a smart-ass and it’s hilarious. Oh, have you seen his abs too?
6. Zac Efron— Could you come out with another movie soon, please?! We miss your face. It wasn’t until “Hairspray” that you won me over. You are the “Ladie’s Choice.” For sho.
5. Joseph Gordon Levitt— So glad that “10 Things I Hate About You” was not the last we saw of him. He looks quite dapper in “Inception” and in “50/50” he proves that even bald and sickly, he is still adorable.
4. Liam Hemsworth— He has terrible taste in women (his girlfriend is Miley Cyrus), which is a shame because he is beautiful. Because of him, I was able to watch all of “The Last Song” without drinking until I passed out.
3. James Franco— Although Anne Hathaway stole all the attention at the Oscars this past year, us ladies know who we really had our eye on. Mr. 127 Hours. That’s who. We loved your cameo in “Never Been Kissed” back in the day. We loved you in “Spiderman” and we even loved you as Saul the stoner in “Pineapple express.”
2. David Beckham— Dad’s are hot. And you’re the hottest of them all. Congrats on baby number 4…need a babysitter?
1. Beau Mirchoff— Matty McKibben from “Awkward.” I know I said I wasn’t putting these in any order, but he is number one. Gorgeous has a name, and it’s Beau. Holy crap. He’s the unattainable, out of your league, boy next door.
So that’s the rant about hot guys. Men of reality are so much more disappointing so why not look to celebrities?! They can’t break your because you’ll never have an interaction with them! So that’s sweet. It’s purely superficial. Enjoy the show.
Girl’s Guide to… Installment 1: Playlists, Part I & II
Welcome to the first installment of my new idea for this damn blog. So for part one of installment one, we are going to establish a few decent playlists. I’ve got this down to an art. For real. I’ll even break down my reasoning for you. Take notes.
I’ll keep them concise, 10 songs a playlist. (In no particular order)
Playlist for… Christmas—It’s that time of the year, so why not? Disclaimer: There are so many holiday classics that this playlist is really tricky. I went by things I cannot stop singing along to all season.
“All I Want For Christmas Is You”-Mariah Carey —- If you are not on board with this then…well, you probably aren’t a girl.
“I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas”-Gayla Peevy —- Spare me the mushy Christmas romance, we all want to hear a little girl sing about a gift she’s never gonna get. It makes our youth seem a little more justified that we didn’t get our life-size Barbie or Eazy-Bake Oven either.
“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”-Mariah Carey —- Not a good holiday karaoke go-to, but if you’re in your car… Diva it up Girl! For real. You know this song struck a chord in you. Pun intended.
“Last Christmas”-Wham! —- George Michael + heartbreak + Christmas + great pop sound = what the hell else do you want for Christmas?!
“Linus and Lucy”-Vince Guaraldi —- Listen to this song and then be in a mad mood. YOU CAN’T DO IT!!! The Peanuts equal happiness.
“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”-Brenda Lee —- It’s classic.
“Sleigh Ride”-The Ronettes —- Rina-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding! It’s my favorite version of this song.
“Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”-Jackson 5 —- His voice is so high that it’s perfect for girls to sing along!
“Mistletoe”-Justin Bieber —- Um….what girl doesn’t want a Christmas song brought to them by Justin Bieber?! Yep. That’s what I thought.
“Wonderful Christmastime”-Paul McCartney —- Lift your glass and don’t look down! Paul’s got the right idea!
Now, shifting gears from the holidays, as a girl it is imperative to have a playlist for every mood. And us girls have a lot of moods. Truth. So the one I was on a roll for today was:
Playlist for… I Have Someone In Mind But… (There’s always a “but” when you’re a girl)
“Lovefool”-The Cardigans —- Do I have to explain this? She’s doomed but can’t care about anything thing but him. You’ll finish the song and hit repeat.
“The Writer”-Ellie Goulding —- Essentially it’s about reality. Real life messes things up but she has a plan. She’s gonna let him decide b/c she’ll be there anyways. Ooh girl. We’ve all been there.
“Chasing Pavements”-Adele —- We’ve all been down this road. Should I give up? Yeah, probably. Or should I just keep chasing pavements? If you mean running then yes. Give up on both. Running and rejection both suck.
“Overboard”-Ingrid Michaelson —- My favorite line: “and I don’t need anyone to cut my meat for me” You go girl. Cut your own damn food.
“Almost Lover” - A Fine Frenzy —- You sadly have a realization that this song could be how your crush turns out. It’s a little pre-mourning ditty before the full on rejection happens.
“Somebody to Love”-Justin Bieber —- ‘I don’t need too much just somebody to love’ Oh Biebs, belieb us, we know.
“Crazy For You”-Madonna —- For you girls who can relate, Madonna claims if he touches her once then he’ll know it’s true. Wow, she hasn’t even touched him yet. I hope you’re better off.
“The Only Exception”-Paramore —- She doesn’t even care if it works out, she just wants to remember. Wow, that’s impressive.
“2 Become 1”-Spice Girls —- Because all girls need the Spice Girls. Don’t argue. You can’t. Just sing.
“Pretty Baby”-Vanessa Carlton —- She just wants to see him. She’s been saving smiles for him.
So these are my first two parts of installment 1. I’m bored with a big mouth so take what you will away from my blog. I obviously find it relevant.
